Chapter 22: Flight

Edward, Bella and Alice seem to have escaped the Volturi's office/batcave/castle without incident...well almost. As Bella and the Cullen siblings walk away from the Volturi free and clear, they pass a group of tourists who are about to inherit the bad luck our heroes managed to avoid. No, sadly we don't witness the carnage, we just get a vague reference to screaming as the unsuspecting tourists are eaten. Once again I'm disappointed that Meyers can't favour us with at least a little vampire action (not the sexual kind, the bloody, violent, remind us why it's a better idea to fear them than date them, kind). I was recently introduced to a reimagining of Pride and Prejudice (thank you Lisa) called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in which Seth Grahame-Smith expands Jane Austen's classic romance to include 'bone-crunching zombie mayhem'. I know, you're thinking 'what could be more awesome?' or 'what an incredible genius this Seth Grahame-Smith is!' or possibly 'what does Pride and Prejudice and Zombies have to do with this unbearably dull chapter of New Moon? This post is getting off topic'.
Quite right, but the reason I mention it is, I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if someone took Meyers brilliant saga and amped up the action? Something to give the Twilight books at least a PG 13 rating. Nothing as drastic as adding zombies but just a little more scare here and there to make us buy the threat. Does anyone ever really believe Edward is going to suddenly turn on Bella and eat her? Or that Aro and company prove a real danger? Do we even know what a vampire attack looks like? Meyers has never really shown us how scary vampires can be? Ok so Jasper got a little out of control, but mostly we've only really met vampires who are sweet as fluffy white kittens. Maybe they bite gentle? I know it's dangerous to mess with a story so near perfection but just think, instead of 'hearing screaming' we could have 'blood drenching or decapitation' now that's scary, but it's a pipe dream and maybe something better saved for True Blood, back to what is...

The Volturi have asked that Bella and the Cullens wait in the reception area until dark before taking their leave. It still kills me that the secret Italian vampire society, centuries old, has a reception area. Oh and not just a reception area but a receptionist as well. The non-vampire Gianna, who no one seems to be very fond of, though I can't say why. Bella's distaste is the most shocking, all up on her high horse, judging Gianna just because she hangs with vampires, look to your right sunshine.Personally, I think Gianna is a gem, she's very good at her job, pleasant, attentive, you'd think an interspecies couple like E and B would be a little more open minded. Then again, Bella's mind is a little shaky after the whole screaming tourists getting eaten in a nearby room thing. In fact Bella is in total hysterics over the stress of the whole ordeal. She's all tear stained and making funny noises. Honestly, not the best strategy to make Edward want to stick around. Fortunately for Bella this chapter puts Edward right where Bella wants him. Trapped in a plane where he can't run away, which Bella figures he's likely to do as soon as he gets chance. If I were in Bella's position I would have capitalized on the set number of hours in a confined space with no chance of escape as a perfect opportunity to grill Edward on, oh I don't know, trivial stuff like his leaving me and his suicide attempt but Bella pretty much just sits and thinks, typical.

This is one of those chapters I hate to write about because virtually nothing happens. It's pretty much equivalent to the hotel room chapter in the first book. The action consists of copious amounts of sitting around on a plane without so much as a snake to add to the excitement.

A couple of quick things I did want to note this chapter despite the serious lack of goings on.

• The perfect illustration of Bella's oddness: Alice goes to fetch Bella's bags before they all leave Europe for home and Bella thinks to herself..."I'd forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably." Seriously. Italy, surviving a near death by vampire, being reunited with the love of your life, these are things that should brighten an outlook in Bella's situation, not a toothbrush.
• The term blood singer. Ew.
• And finally, my favorite moment of the chapter was a Charlie moment."I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at Edward. I love Charlie.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her."

"To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful - insanity."

Edward to Charlie "Be mad at me" Charlie to Edwrad "You bet I will!"

Chapter 22 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Edward, Bella and Alice chill in the Volturi reception area
• Bella has hysterics
• Everyone is rude to helpful human Volturi receptionist
• Edward, Bella and Alice fly home
• There is a Cullen family welcome home party at airport
• Rosalie apologizes for causing Edward to try and kill himself
• Bella says its cool
• Charlie does the overprotective dad thing
• Bella deprives herself of sleep for the entire chapter