Chapter 24. Vote

When last we left Edward and Bella they were engaged in a familiar argument about Bella's future. 'To be or not to be a vampire' Normally Bella loses this argument fairly quickly but this time Bella found a way to use her largely useless skill of endangering her own life to an advantage. During their recent Volturi encounter, the Italian vamps had promised to rain down hell if Bella weren't 'turned' when they next met, Bella argues that staying human endangers not only her life but the lives of the rest of the Cullen clan and thus the whole family should have a say in whether or not she gets to vamp out, not just Edward.

Clever Bella. That's some pretty sound logic from a girl who mere pages ago was hallucinating old lovers. A pretty snappy come back from a mental break down wouldn't you say? But seriously, she makes a good point, the Cullen's do deserve a say in this little debate. Bella's faith that the Cullen's will be on her side of the argument is a little surprising. After all, Bella has been nothing but trouble for the vampires since she showed up in Forks. None of the Cullen's had to worry about endangered lives before she came along, if I were a member of the Cullen clan I wouldn't vote vampire or human, I'd vote for Bella's head on a stick.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, Edward reluctantly agrees to sneak Bella away to see the Cullen's and put her mortality to a vote, of course when they actually get to the house he says

"I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

Typical, controlling, 'thinks he knows whats best', 'won't let you make your own decisions', Edward. I'm starting to miss Jacob already.

Obviously the family votes to vamp Bella. Edward and Rosalie's 'Nay's' are outnumbered by 'Yeas' from Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Esme and Carlisie. It was a stupid vote. Giving up humanity isn't so bad, what does Bella have to lose? cheeseburgers? Let's look at the upsides of vampirism a la the Meyerverse, we get: immortality, eternal youth, speed, super strength, not to mention the money she'll save never having to buy body glitter again. And in the con column we have what? Sleep? Overrated. The sun? Nope. Food? She'll still get to chow down on some tasty mountain lion from time to time...some venison perhaps....sounds like a good deal to me. Regardless, the vote swings in Bella's favor and Carlisle agrees to bite her. In response to this, and in a totally unnecessary rage, Edward's stalks out of the room and starts breaking stuff like a spoiled child then returns and starts screaming 'NO!' in Bella's face. Who knew Edward was such a poor loser?

After he stops yelling Edward tries a more reasonable approach to stalling the inevitable and reminds Bella that Charlie probably wouldn't take her sudden disappearance very well. That gem of logic puts Edward back in the game and brings the Bella vs. Edward scoreboard to 1, 1.

It's decided that Bella's vampification will be put off until after graduation when she has moved out of Charlies house, which gives Edward time to come up with more long term stall tactics. Time he obviously doesn't need because before the chapters over he's already figured out how to best Bella in the argument for her humanity. Edward offers a trade, he agrees to vamp Bella himself if she will marry him. In a shocking twist...well it's about as shocking a twist as Stephanie Meyer is capable of maneuvering...Bella says 'no' to Edward's proposal and around the globe millions of preteen girls gasp in horror then cry out in chorus 'Marry me!'

One of the best parts of this chapter is a small section where Bella admits to Edward that he is much scarier than the Volturi because while the worst the Volturi can do is kill her, Edward can leave her. This confession hurts Edward of course and Bella regrets the admission for causing him pain. Personally, I wouldn't feel even a twinge of regret. Awwwww, is poor broody Edward feeling bad for breaking Bella's heart, leaving her all alone to suffer, almost die and torture and tease poor Jacob with false promises of a future together? Well, GOOD! That's what you get for leaving. Edward should suffer a little. Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed to have Edward back, but don't you think he deserves a little taste of what he put the rest of us through? Edwardless for almost an entire book! A little retribution isn't undeserved. I think Bella simply telling Edward the truth, that she's more afraid of losing him again than of death, is letting him off easy. Just wait until Jacob gets a chance at him in Eclipse, that's a little more just punishment.

Oh yes, Bella also tells Edward about her hallucinations. I probably would have kept that little tidbit to myself but it triggers Bella's epiphany which is *drumroll* 'Edward loves her' I know, it's pretty poor as far as epiphanies go but then Bella generally is a little on the slow side.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

TBA

Chapter 22 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Bella has an epiphany realizing that Edward loves her
• Bella asks the Cullen's to vote on her mortality
• Bella wins the vote for vampirism 5 to 2
• Edward breaks stuff
• Carlisle agrees to bite Bella after graduation
• Edward offers to do Bella in himself if she'll marry him
• Bella says no (and shocks and outrages teenage girls everywhere)
• Charlie is not on Team Edward
  
• Bella tells Charlie to ease up on Edward or she'll move out

99 Reasons I Can’t Wait for New Moon!

My blog might not always be active but my Twilight fanaticism is always alive and well so I of course have been counting down to the release of the New Moon movie since....well since I knew the release date. To mark the day the countdown broke down into double digits I celebrated by making a list...always a fun activity. I had intended to post the list but clearly didn't, better late than never I guess....

I give you 99 reasons I can’t wait for the release of the next installment of the Twilight saga:

1. Edward!


2. I have nothing better to do with my time then read and re-read adolescent fiction. Movies offer a change of pace.


3. It’s a little piece of Twilight!


4. I want to see how badly they can butcher book 2.


5. Bella falling to pieces.


6. I love Twilight in all its forms.


7. Brief period of Edward and Bella couple time, which means cute Edward grins.


8. I’ve been counting down for 134 days already, that’s reason enough to want it over with.


9. As soon as New Moon is over the Eclipse gossip will start.


10. More sparkle!


11. Edward vs. Jacob.


12. Book 2 actually has some semblance of a plot.


13. It will give me something to blog about.


14. Once I can see it (5 times or so) I’ll be able to sleep again…until the Eclipse trailer is released.


15. Jacob gets a hair cut.


16. If I didn’t care, I’d feel silly sporting my Team Edward key chain.


17. Vampires are sexy. Even sparkly ones with waifish torsos.


18. I always wanted to be adopted into a family of beautiful, friendly and very rich vampires.


19. I'm looking forward to wolfy Jacob.


20. I’m looking forward to the wolf pack.


21. It’s going to be better than the first movie.


22. I steal party planning ideas from Alice.


23. We get to meet the Volturi.


24. I might actually cry when Edward leaves.


25. I miss Buffy!
    
    
26. Mass hysteria fascinates me.
    
    
27. Who doesn't love romantic expletive?
    
    
28. I always look forward to opportunities to act a little crazy and I believe the New Moon premiere will be one of those opportunities whether I want it to be or not....Twilight just brings out the crazy in me.
    
    
29. I think watching Jacob and Bella fall in love will be more entertaining than watching Bella and Edward fall in love (e.g. getting motion sickness as cameras spiral around Bella and Edward as they silently stare at each other).
    
    
30. Alice!
    
    
31. Jasper!
    
    
32. Charlie!
    
    
33. Emmett!
    
    
34. Cramming in a crowded theater with hundreds of adolescent girls to watch a movie you won’t be able to hear over the squealing for the heartthrob who is barely more than an adolescent himself sounds like an awesome way to spend a Friday night! Truly.
    
    
35. I wish I had something as pretty as Edward to look at everyday.
    
    
36. I can’t make any more videos out of the Twilight clips, I need new material.
    
    
37. Muscle (albeit age inappropriate muscle).
    
    
38. It’s good to have things you can’t wait for.
    
    
39. The title uses pretty font.
    
    
40. Bella has hysterics.
    
    
41. I’ve been neglecting my blog, I’m delinquent on the countdown, I’m a bad Twilight fan, I need the chance to redeem myself.
    
    
42. No one does brooding pain and suffering like Pattinson does brooding pain and suffering.
    
    
43. I think it will be fun to watch the wave of teen hormones shift and turn Team Jacob into an army that flattens Pattinson like the girly man he is.
    
    
44. New Moon is the only book that brings out the Jacob love in me.
    
    
45. The soundtrack promises radio head (not that I wasn’t all about Muse).
    
    
46. Twilight is like Christmas, chocolate and snow flakes in movie form.
    
    
47. It’s Bella’s birthday.
    
    
48. It will spawn new parodies, I love parodies.
    
    
49. I relate to Bella’s clumsiness, although my life is rarely endangered and I’ve never been rescued by a vampire or a werewolf to my knowledge.
    
    
50. They hired actual actors for film 2.
    
    
51. I’m curious to see if imaginary Edward makes Bella look as crazy as she sounds in the books.
    
    
52. I like books that have as little basis in reality as possible, movies are just as good.
    
    
53. It brings us one movie closer to Eclipse.
    
    
54. Improved special effects (furry transformations).
    
    
55. I have $100 bucks down that Weitz will use a montage to pass time in the zombie Bella months and I could use the money.
    
    
56. My life needs more drama.
    
    
57. The release is very close to my birthday and New Moon premiere night is the best birthday celebration idea I’ve had since I dragged everyone I knew to the rerelease of the Little Mermaid in '97.
    
    
58. Popcorn and junior mints my friends, popcorn and junior mints.
    
    
59. Love triangles are irresistible to me, Angel/Buffy/Spike, Jack/Kate/Sawyer, Big/Carrie/Aiden, King Arthur/Guenevere/Sir Lancelot, Bill/Sookie/Eric, Cyclops/Phoenix/Wolverine, Edward/Bella/Jacob.
    
    
60. It will probably be more fun than watching True Blood re-runs…or will it?
    
    
61. Making fun of my fanaticism takes James mind of everyday stresses…in fact, my fanaticism takes my mind of everyday stresses.
    
    
62. I have faith that it will be good.
    
    
63. I need an excuse to break out my Twilight paraphernalia.
    
    
64. It just looks awesome.
    
    
65. Italy.
    
    
66. It’s Jacob’s time to shine.
    
    
67. Everyone loves sequels right?
    
    
68. I want to see if Robert Pattinsons head actually got bigger.
    
    
69. Quality Alice and Bella time.
    
    
70. Taylor Lautner’s Abs.
    
    
71. I’m curious to find out what happened on all the Edwardless pages I skipped in the book.
    
    
72. It will be good to fuel the Twilight obsession again.
    
    
73. Girls night out, always something to look forward to.
    
    
74. I want to see if Kristen Stewart can actually play Bella with less emotion.
    
    
75. Improved movie budget means improved movie make-up...I hope...
    
    
76. I’m a 14 year old girl at heart.
    
    
77. We get to meet Embry, and how cute is Embry?…well, not that cute actually, at least not as adorable as I had pictured him, but still...
    
    
78. It will give me an excuse to purchase more Twilight trinkets.
    
    
79. Even the weakest link (book 2) is enjoyable in the Twilight saga.
    
    
80. Jacob is cute as a button.
    
    
81. More Twilight is never a bad thing.
    
    
82. I think werewolves are cuddly.
    
    
83. I miss adolescent angst.
    
    
84. There’s less than 100 days left!
    
    
85. Jasper almost eats Bella. Who wouldn’t want to see that?
    
    
86. Seeing screaming fans.
    
    
87. Being a screaming fan.
    
    
88. Cliff diving.
    
    
89. It will be the highlight of 2009.
    
    
90. I'm a sucker for actors with perfect hair.
    
    
91. I’m curious to see if Taylor’s performance is enough to make me switch teams.
    
    
92. Because I’m dying to give Stephanie Meyers more of my money.
    
    
93. I'm a sucker for tragic love.
    
    
94. Edward tortured face.
    
    
95. Bella almost dies….a lot
    
    
96. Unlike some directors I shall not name, I believe Weitz is above using a whammy bar to announce the presence of evil.
    
    
97. I want to see how much dialogue Chris Weitz can shoot without using the word ‘monkey’ I’m betting all of it.
    
    
98. The sooner we power through all four movies, the sooner I can get back to more productive things than writing lists...however enjoyable an activity that might be.
    
    
99. I have no shame.
    
    

Chapter 23: The Truth

I realize I'm jumping in at the middle of the chapter here but when Edward asks if it's too late, if he's hurt Bella too much for her to love him again my heart absolutely drops. I can be overly critical of Meyers writing, the excessive repetition, the lack of plot, action, etc. But to give her some credit, however she accomplishes it, these books can still make my heart swell and break. For most of New Moon I've been missing the emotion that Twilight brought out in me, but this chapter was thick with the familiar maudlin tone of the first book...and then again, some parts of the chapter irritated me to the point that I wanted to yell at the pages in front of me.

But as I said, I've skipped the beginning so lets pull it back a bit. As the chapter opens Bella wakes with Edward in her bed which would be a good place to start a chapter except that we are forced to suffer through pages of Bella thinking she's crazy, or dead or dreaming. This is frustrating for a couple reasons: one, because the readers know it's not a dream so it lacks the potential of a clever reveal, two, because Meyers drags it on and on and on, we get it. Bella's so happy that Edward is back she can barely let herself believe it's true. Stephanie, really, you could have gotten that across in a sentence like "Was I dreaming? Dead? I was so happy to feel his arms around me again I was afraid to let myself believe it was real" there, done. But no, the debate rages for pages, dies down as Bella accepts the reality she is presented with, and then picks back up again before she finally lets it go. At least Bella admits she's being ridiculous.

"Edward was really, truly here with me, and I was wasting time being an idiot."

Yes, yes you were. I have to admit though, despite the fact that having to wade through pages of characters arguing about what is and isn't reality makes me grit my teeth, I am ecstatic to have Bella and Edward back together. All is right in the world again. How quickly I forget my affection for Jacob, two chapters of Edward and I'm as useless to resist as Bella. Sorry Jake, your sweet and all but how can you not be affected by a man who says things like "I can't live in a world where you don't exist." and means it enough to skip the country to attempt a demo.


The entire chapter is spent with Edward and Bella in Bella's bedroom talking. I know, it sounds dull but it's good stuff people, it's relationships, it's dialogue, it's romantic expletive! I love that Bella's strategy for trying to keep Edward with her and avoid the re-break up she sees as inevitable is to just keep talking.


The chapter ends with the lovey dovey conversation dissolving back into the same argument the two had failed to resolve before they separated. The question of whether or not Bella should remain human.

Other things I loved this chapter: That Charlie banned Edward from the house and that Edward and Bella got enough chat time to remind me that literary Edward is much funnier than Robert Pattinson Edward. Hear that 'Pattz?' Edward is serious, but funny. Lighten up.

I can't even describe how much pleasure it brings me that Edward refers to Jacob as 'the boy' The seed of jealousy sprouted already? I can't decide if it's a pet name meant to intentionally slight Jacob or if he thinks that way of everyone so young. Either way it makes me smile without fail. It must be the anticipation of getting to start Eclipse soon.

I mentioned as I opened this post, this chapter was full of the overwrought emotion and romantic declaration I've missed so very much in Edward's absence. As a result I'm left with too many favorite quotes this chapter to count, so here is my edited list....

Favorite Quotes and Conversation

"Bella. I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

'This was very good, as far as delusions went. The fact, the voice, the scent everything - it was so much better than drowning."

"His irises were pitch-black, with bruise-like shadows under them. This surprised me; my hallucinatory Edwards were usually better fed.

"...I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

"...when I heard that you have to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile..."

"I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see you and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

"Edward," I said. His name burned my throat a little on the way out. I could feel the ghost of the hole, waiting to rip itself wide again as soon as he dissappeared."

"my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met"

and my favorite of my favorites.....

"When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Chapter 23 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Bella sleeps
• Bella dreams
• Bella wakes up with Edward in her bed
  
• There is a lot of talking
• Everyone is making moon eyes at each other
• Bella and Edward argue about immortality
  

Rumours are such fun.

Chapter 22: Flight

Edward, Bella and Alice seem to have escaped the Volturi's office/batcave/castle without incident...well almost. As Bella and the Cullen siblings walk away from the Volturi free and clear, they pass a group of tourists who are about to inherit the bad luck our heroes managed to avoid. No, sadly we don't witness the carnage, we just get a vague reference to screaming as the unsuspecting tourists are eaten. Once again I'm disappointed that Meyers can't favour us with at least a little vampire action (not the sexual kind, the bloody, violent, remind us why it's a better idea to fear them than date them, kind). I was recently introduced to a reimagining of Pride and Prejudice (thank you Lisa) called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in which Seth Grahame-Smith expands Jane Austen's classic romance to include 'bone-crunching zombie mayhem'. I know, you're thinking 'what could be more awesome?' or 'what an incredible genius this Seth Grahame-Smith is!' or possibly 'what does Pride and Prejudice and Zombies have to do with this unbearably dull chapter of New Moon? This post is getting off topic'.
Quite right, but the reason I mention it is, I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if someone took Meyers brilliant saga and amped up the action? Something to give the Twilight books at least a PG 13 rating. Nothing as drastic as adding zombies but just a little more scare here and there to make us buy the threat. Does anyone ever really believe Edward is going to suddenly turn on Bella and eat her? Or that Aro and company prove a real danger? Do we even know what a vampire attack looks like? Meyers has never really shown us how scary vampires can be? Ok so Jasper got a little out of control, but mostly we've only really met vampires who are sweet as fluffy white kittens. Maybe they bite gentle? I know it's dangerous to mess with a story so near perfection but just think, instead of 'hearing screaming' we could have 'blood drenching or decapitation' now that's scary, but it's a pipe dream and maybe something better saved for True Blood, back to what is...

The Volturi have asked that Bella and the Cullens wait in the reception area until dark before taking their leave. It still kills me that the secret Italian vampire society, centuries old, has a reception area. Oh and not just a reception area but a receptionist as well. The non-vampire Gianna, who no one seems to be very fond of, though I can't say why. Bella's distaste is the most shocking, all up on her high horse, judging Gianna just because she hangs with vampires, look to your right sunshine.Personally, I think Gianna is a gem, she's very good at her job, pleasant, attentive, you'd think an interspecies couple like E and B would be a little more open minded. Then again, Bella's mind is a little shaky after the whole screaming tourists getting eaten in a nearby room thing. In fact Bella is in total hysterics over the stress of the whole ordeal. She's all tear stained and making funny noises. Honestly, not the best strategy to make Edward want to stick around. Fortunately for Bella this chapter puts Edward right where Bella wants him. Trapped in a plane where he can't run away, which Bella figures he's likely to do as soon as he gets chance. If I were in Bella's position I would have capitalized on the set number of hours in a confined space with no chance of escape as a perfect opportunity to grill Edward on, oh I don't know, trivial stuff like his leaving me and his suicide attempt but Bella pretty much just sits and thinks, typical.

This is one of those chapters I hate to write about because virtually nothing happens. It's pretty much equivalent to the hotel room chapter in the first book. The action consists of copious amounts of sitting around on a plane without so much as a snake to add to the excitement.

A couple of quick things I did want to note this chapter despite the serious lack of goings on.

• The perfect illustration of Bella's oddness: Alice goes to fetch Bella's bags before they all leave Europe for home and Bella thinks to herself..."I'd forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably." Seriously. Italy, surviving a near death by vampire, being reunited with the love of your life, these are things that should brighten an outlook in Bella's situation, not a toothbrush.
• The term blood singer. Ew.
• And finally, my favorite moment of the chapter was a Charlie moment."I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at Edward. I love Charlie.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her."

"To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful - insanity."

Edward to Charlie "Be mad at me" Charlie to Edwrad "You bet I will!"

Chapter 22 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Edward, Bella and Alice chill in the Volturi reception area
• Bella has hysterics
• Everyone is rude to helpful human Volturi receptionist
• Edward, Bella and Alice fly home
• There is a Cullen family welcome home party at airport
• Rosalie apologizes for causing Edward to try and kill himself
• Bella says its cool
• Charlie does the overprotective dad thing
• Bella deprives herself of sleep for the entire chapter
  

Chapter 21: Verdict

The title of this chapter is so ominous! You're practically forced to hum a low, dum dum dahhh in your head when you read it.

So Edward, Alice and Bella, with their cloaked escorts, continue through the sewers to Volturi headquarters which is an odd mix of office chic, super extravagance and old moldy stone. It’s almost as if Meyer couldn’t decide if it would be more entertaining to surround the vampire royalty in a Wolfram and Hart law office setting, a traditional crypt or Draculaesq extravagance so she went with all three. Way to commit.

We meet a whole host of vampires in this short chapter but the most entertaining by far is Aro. Aro is one third of the Volturi leadership trio, the others being Caius (which I can't pronounce for the life of me so I refer to as Cassius in my head) and Marcus. Aro is my personal fav of the three. While Caius and Marcus appear somewhat detached (or cranky at the very least), Aro is exuberant, he also seems a tad effeminate, what with the frequent exclamation s of ‘wonderful!’ (seriously count how many times he says wonderful) ‘dear ones’ and ‘be a dears’ not to mention the spontaneous hand clapping. I picture him as a cross between a thirteen year old at a sleep over and Standford Blatch.

Effeminate exuberance is not a description one typically associates with danger and evil. Not to worry, Meyers has outfitted her super bad Italian vamps with ‘special abilities’ that will have your knees knocking! Wait, no, those aren’t very scary either, in fact Aro and Marcus’ super powers seem pretty useless compared to the Cullens skill set. Marcus for example sees relationships, although what possible utility that would be I can’t imagine, and Aro can read every thought you’ve ever had by touching you, neat but again not overly useful, it's pretty much on par with a little brother who sneaks into your room and reads your diary, …all in all, they don’t make very convincing bad guys. Meyers did give the trio oniony looking skin, that’s kind of creepy right? I’m sure Meyers thought so. Considering her regular vampires sparkle like they’ve been bathing in fairy dust, in her mind translucent skin is probably equivalent to rotting maggoty flesh.

Ok, so the not scary points been made, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t a good time, and their lackey’s (Jane in particular, who can cause someone incredible pain just by thinking in their direction) are powerful enough to keep our heroes in their company. One of the more entertaining parts of the chapter is when Aro, intrigued by the fact that Edward can’t hear Bella’s thoughts, tries to read her himself. When he finds her immune to his mind reading tricks he asks Jane to try wammying Bella, which of course makes Edward furious although not that furious because he just stands there growling for a good while before lunging at little Jane. Usually rage causes more immediate lunging but I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered either way, he ends up on the floor in agony so the growling and the lunging were equally ineffective. Turns out for once Bella didn’t actually need rescuing (a first I think). The little Volturi’s pain inducing stare doesn’t work on Bella.

There is a lot of talking in this chapter, really a lot, which is not what you might expect from what should be the books climax, but that’s Meyers for you. For a writer of vampire fiction, she’s not a big fan of bloodshed and horror (e.g. terrifying = onion skinned vampire who can tell if you 'like' someone or if you 'like like' someone). Then again, I myself have often argued passionately that Twilight (referencing the saga as a whole) is first and foremost a romance, albeit a tame, PG13 romance. On the upside, all the dialogue in Chapter 21 leaves Bella precious little time for her usual lengthy inner monologues and contemplations of Edward’s beauty. I know I said I missed all the flowery expletive, but for some reason the last chapter left me with a little blood lust (picked up on that huh?). After all, Meyers put a decent amount of effort into dramatic build up for the Volturi confrontation, I mean if you think back, New Moon starts with Bella running across the Volterra square surrounded by enemies ready to face certain death, fast forward a little and you get the ominous warnings about not messing with the Volturi, then last chapter you finally meet some and they are clad in scary black cloaks, an obvious wardrobe choice for evil. So in the end, the lack of bad assness displayed by these allegedly bad ass vampires is a little disappointing. I can't help it, I expected more Meyers, I expected more. Oh, in case the suspense is killing you, the verdict was essentially 'we're satisfied you'll eventually turn the human into a vampire but we'll check in just in case but for now run along

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

“And Alice and Bella, too!” he rejoiced, clapping his thin hands together.” This is a happy surprise! Wonderful! - Aro

“Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him-only he was not so angry.” - Aro That line always makes me laugh for some reason and I have high hopes it won’t be left out of the film adaptation.

Chapter 21 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Turns out Alice, Edward and Bella weren't being led to thier doom, just a reception area
• The Volturi henchmen bring Alice, Edward and Bella to the Volturi leaders, Aro, Marcus and Cauis
• Aro talks alot
• Aro talks some more
• Most of this chapter is Aro talking
• Aro tries to read Bella's mind but it doesn't work
• Aro tells Jane to use her super pain inducing powers on Bella, that doesn't work either
• The Volturi decide Bella knows too much and must die or be turned
• Alice lets Aro read her and he sees one of Alices visions where Bella is a vampire
• Aparently everyone is cool with that but the Volturi promise to check in soon to make sure Bella is vamped

Chapter 20: Volterra

I apologize for my long absence! There is no excuse, I know. I guess I needed more than two days away, but I'm back! So where were we? Ah yes...

Volterra is in sight! (Actual Tuscan town if you were wondering, although probably not actually run by a secret society of vampires). Alice and Bella are racing, really slowly despite their sporty yellow ride, to stop Edward from committing Volturi assisted suicide. Since there is a festival going on in the town, the streets are packed making progression by car difficult, as Bella notes..."We slowed to a crawl behind a little tan Peugeot." Wait a second...Bella has difficultly identifying a BMW but Parisian cars she's cool with? Curious.

With only five minutes left until Edward's flaming noon day grand finale Alice and Bella are stopped at the gate to the city. Alice dazzles (and bribes) a guard into letting them pass and with only minutes to spare Bella hurry's on foot across the crowded square until she sees him.

Edward (insert chorus of celebratory yeays! here)!

As soon as Edward is in Bella's line of sight, her thoughts immediately jump from 'we're all going to die' to 'sexy hotness' , you know I'm beginning to think Bella might be a little shallow. And then to really burn the Jacob fans we get this...

"I'd never seen anything more beautiful—even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing. And his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him, no matter how long I lived."

...except for less than 24 hours ago when you also wanted Jacob.

Originally I considered myself strictly a fan of the Bella/Edward relationship. I was 100% Team Edward, a Bella/Edward shipper, whatever...but through the course of re-reading New Moon I've been forced to admit to myself that the degree of defensiveness that has been present throughout the New Moon posts on Jacob's behalf can't be meaningless. I thought my behavior was born out of hatred for Bella's character rather than affection for Jacob's, but even when Bella is doing no more than pointing out Edward's incredible perfection (which is not really her being harsh to Jacob, it's just fact) I feel a pang of hurt for forks fav resident wolf. Apparently I'm as fickle as she is. Damn all my self righteous ranting.

But let's get back to Edward, we've been Edwardless a long time and there's only two books left so lets not waste any more postage.

I've been waiting for Edward's return with baited breath since he left, but when Bella saw him across the square, I didn't get the sense of satisfaction I was expecting. Even when Bella finally got close enough to touch him, speak with him, I didn't feel that all was right with the world. We didn't get a 'remember when Rosalie said I was dead? Well, funny story...' moment from Bella, we didn't get relief that Bella was alive from Edward, or feigned anger that Bella tracked him down or elation at seeing her again, we didn't even get an impassioned embrace, the whole thing was kind of lame. The reunion was wasted on Bella trying to convince Edward he wasn't dead and in some sort of purgatory/heaven combo. I wanted rising music, I wanted fireworks, I wanted a kiss that induces faintness, suddenly appearing birds, chorus of angels something more than what was, and from the person who gave us 'you are my life now' and 'so the lion fell in love with the lamb' I don't think that a little more amped up emotion is an unreasonable request.

S.M. may have forgotten how maudlin her Edward/Bella moments usually are, but she jumped right in where she left off in terms of praise for his physical perfection. In case you didn't get the not so subtle references, Edward's beauty is so incredible it's almost incapacitating S.M. has Bella totally forget that her Edward hallucinations were auditory as soon as Edward is in her line of sight.

So all this reunion stuff is well and good but I suppose I should mention that this chapter also offers our first up close and personal introduction to the Volturi...we meet the show of muscle Demetri and Felix and the real muscle, little Jane.

I enjoyed, the casual conversation between Edward and Alice about the 'Bella's dead' misunderstanding' as the Volturi led them presumably to their death.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"Edward!" I screamed, knowing it was useless. The crowd was too loud, and my voice
was breathless with exertion. But I couldn't stop screaming.

I knew I was too late. I wasn't halfway across. I wasn't going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it.

It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt
well. Whole. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, the blood pulsing hot and fast
through my veins again. My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin.
It was like there had never been any hole in my chest. I was perfect—not healed, but as if
there had been no wound in the first place.

"In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." - Alice

Chapter 20 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Times running out and Edward is about to off himself
  
• The Porsche rescue is slowing them down so Bella runs after Edward on foot
• Bella sees Edward across the square and yep, he's still pretty
  
• Bella reaches Edward and has to convince him he's not already dead, silly fool
• Bella, Alice and Edward all have a pleasant chat with Volturi henchmen in capes
  
• The Volturi lead our heros on a free sewer tour and then to their doom! *dum dum dah*
  

Radio Silence

I'm sleep deprived, overloaded with work, surrounded by cranky people and my computer is sick. I'm tapped out. I'm taking a two day mental holiday, so no posts for February 5th or 6th.

**My two day holiday turned out to be slightly more extended but at the end of this term I will return. Posts will resume May 01, 2009**

Chapter 19: Hate

Very little happens this chapter. Bella and Alice spend most of the chapter on the plane to Italy. The only real entertainment comes from Alice...sort of, well Edward actually but via 'Alicevision'. Through Alice we get to hear about the various plans Edward is considering to make the Volturi cranky enough to 'off' him. The Volturi would kill him for any action that revealed him for what he is and risked their secret.

Edward Suicide Idea #1
Killing spree in the city, mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem!

Since there isn't much to chat about this chapter, I'd like to take this opportunity to make a general observation about New Moon. In the first book (Twilight), the story bumped along fairly uneventfully until S.M. produced the threat of the three nomad vampires out of thin air. with no reasoning or warning whatsoever. S.M. managed to tie the story elements of the second book together much more neatly. In the last chapter (Chapter 18 of New Moon) the threat was revealed (Edward's suicide attempt) ...but this time S.M. put a little effort into getting us there.

Edward Suicide Idea #2
Lift a car over his head in a display of inhuman strength

...to get to this point S.M. had to...have Edward tell Bella how he would use the Volturi to kill himself if he were forced to live without her; Have Jasper almost eat Bella so Edward would leave for her own good; which created in Bella an unhealthy need to chase hallucinations of Edwards voice through participation in extreme sports; which resulted in her contacting Jacob Black about fixing motorcycles; who fell in love with her and turned into a werewolf (not in that order) so that he was invisible to Alice when he saved Bella from almost drowning, the day that Harry Clearwater died, after she jumped off a cliff (unrelated events, Harry's death and the cliff jump) which Alice did see (the jumping part) and assuming Bella was dead went to Forks to check it out but not before telling Rosalie what she saw; who then told Edward who called Bella's, only to have the phone answered by Jacob who loved Bella and was a werewolf so hated the vampire and wouldn't give Bella the phone; which resulted in Jacob answering Edward's question which was 'Where is Charlie?' to which Jacob replied "At the funeral" because Charlie was at the funeral, Harry Clearwater's funeral, only Edward wrongly assumed Jacob had meant 'Bella's funeral' which was news that made Edward want to kill himself; which Alice, who happened to be visiting Forks because of the whole cliff jumping incident foresaw and now has to try and prevent with the help of Bella, by flying to Italy to save Edward from the Volturi and himself. Fun Times.

Edward Suicide Idea #3
Walk out into the sunshine and sparkle and shine
(or hope to be mauled to death by adolescent Twilight fans)

Actually, Chapter 19 isn't that much fun. As I mentioned the only entertaining bit is Alice keeping tabs on Edwards exit strategies. The one he seems to have settled on by the end of the chapter is simple. He plans to walk out into the sun, at 12 noon for maximum effect and because they needed some reason for him to wait long enough for Bella and Alice to reach him.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," she muttered, disgusted. "You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires."

She eyed me speculatively. "How strongly are you opposed to grand theft auto?"

"Try not to trip," she added. "We don't have time for a concussion today."

Chapter 19 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Edward tries to think up creative ways of committing vampire suicide
• Bella and Alice race from Forks to Italy to save him from the Volturi and himself
  

Chapter 18: The Funeral

So Alice is still at Bella's but she skips out when Jacob shows up at Bella's front door to avoid a confrontation. Jacob and Bella fight a bit, he's still hurt that she tossed him like last weeks garbage at the mere prospect that one of her precious vampires had come back.

Personally I think his behavior is somewhat justified but Bella is hurt that he's acting nasty anyway. She cries, Jacob apologizes for hurting her..., again and before you know it, he's got her face in his hands, they're gazing deeply into each others eyes and they are about to lock lips. The first time I read this I was so infuriated that Bella was about to kiss Jacob (you may recall from previous posts that I have issue with the way Bella encourages Jacob's un-reciprocated feelings), that I sped through the section to see what was going to happen without actually reading what was written. The second time through I actually processed some of what was going through Bella's head in the seconds between, her realizing what Jacob was about to do, and deciding whether or not she was ok with it. Although I've never been supportive of Bella leading Jacob on, as soon as she started honestly considering Jacob, and the possibility of letting Edward go, I started to feel bad for her. Maybe I've been a little harsh. She's been devastated by lost love, a love that in her mind has no equal. Who wouldn't be hesitant to jump into a relationship that has no hope of being more than a shadow of what she had known? But at the same time, having suffered such a blow, isn't she entitled to some comfort? Shouldn't she be able to hold on to any ounce of happiness she can find? And now, if she thinks she found something she could live with (which is the quality of romance Bella figures the rest of the world is working with) why shouldn't she at least try to enjoy herself to whatever extent that is possible? Why not try building a relationship with someone new? Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. Whew, I usually have to struggle to wrap my head around Bella's motivations. Despite being in her head and having them spelled out on the page in front of me, for the most part trying to figure her out leaves me equally irritated and confounded. That is as close as I come to 'getting' her and I feel it's only appropriate that I formally apologize for my harsh words regarding her treatment of Jacob. She, maybe, sort of, might, not have been as cold hearted and evil as I made her out to be. Sorry 'bout that.

And all that was stirred up by a kiss that never happened! I was so absorbed with my own ramblings there for a second I forgot that Bella and Jacob were interrupted at the moment of truth. Just as Jacob is about to go in for the kiss, the phone rings...and this my friends, is where things start to get really good :) It seems to me, at this point in her writing, S.M. realized that she should probably insert some sort of action before the end of New Moon, so her fans wouldn't revolt when given a book where Edward is absent and nothing happens. So back to the phone call...

"Swan residence," Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense. Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank. I recovered myself and held out my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me. "He's not here," Jacob said, and the words were menacing. There was some very short reply, a request for more information it seemed, because he added unwillingly, "He's at the funeral." Then Jacob hung up the phone. "Filthy bloodsucker," he muttered under his breath. "Who did you just hang up on?" I gasped, infuriated. "In my house, and on my phone?"

It was Edward *gasp* Although we don't find that out until Alice shows up having had a vision of Edward committing suicide. Turns out Rosalie had told Edward about Alice's vision of Bella jumping off the cliff. Edward called to find out if Bella was o.k. and when he asked if he could speak to Charlie, Jacob answered 'he's at the funeral'. Jacob meant Harry Clearwater's funeral, Edward assumed he meant Bella's funeral. The chapter ends with Jacob begging Bella to go as Bella and Alice run off to Italy to rescue Edward.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

Bella on kissing Jacob: Maybe it would be easy - like holding his hand or having his arms around me. Maybe it would feel nice. Maybe it wouldn't feel like betrayal. Besides, who was I betraying anyway? Just myself.

Jacob's furious voice was suddenly in my ear, hissing out a stream of profanities. I felt a vague disapproval. His new friends were clearly a bad influence.

Alice to Jacob: "Yes. You're right, dog." Alice was snarling, too. "The Volturi are the very essence of our kind—they're the reason your hair stands on end when you smell me. They are the substance of your nightmares, the dread behind your instincts. I'm not unaware of that."

Alice on stopping Edward from killing himself "So if they agree to grant his favor, we're too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we're too late. If he gives into his more theatrical tendencies… we might have time."

Chapter 18 sum up in 10 points or less

• Jacob shows up at Bella's
• Jacob and Bella fight
• Jacob and Bella almost kiss
• The almost kiss is interrupted by a phone call
• It's Edward on the phone
  
• Jacob thinks it's Carlisle and tells him Charlie is at the funeral
• Jacob meant Harry's funeral, Edward thought he meant Bella's funeral
  
• Alice tells Bella Edward thinks she's dead and he's going to kill himself

New Moon Chapter 17: Visitor

Super quick, single breath catch up....Jacob was bringing Bella home he smelled vampire Bella saw Carlisle's car Jacob bailed Bella ran inside the house to see who it was and there standing in the Swan's front hall was.....(drum roll) Alice! YEAY! It's Alice! The return of a Cullen, any Cullen is an incredibly satisfying event. I feel like I've been holding my breath for the last 8 chapters. As I read the first three lines of chapter 17 an enormous smile spread across my face and I expect it will remain anchored there for at least the next 30 or 40 pages.

I was surprised that Bella guessed why Alice had returned to Forks before I did. Maybe the euphoria was impacting my ability to think clearly. Alice had a vision of Bella falling of the cliff and when she didn't see her surface, Alice hopped the first flight to Forks. Were I in Bella's place, I don't think I could have avoided directing some undeserved hostility her way over Edward's harsh and abrupt departure, but Bella is elated to see Alice and says nothing. I suppose I was equally thrilled at Alice's return but Edward didn't leave me. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation between the two girls (or girl and vampire as it were), as Bella explained what she was doing jumping off a cliff and told Alice about Jacob and the pack. I loved Alice's reaction to hearing about what Jacob had become.

She turned to stare at me with a shocked expression. "You're best friend is a werewolf?"

Once Alice had ascertained that Bella was fine, she seemed to regret coming in the first place. When Alice made a move to leave, Bella just about lost it. The hysterics, the hyperventilation, the futile grasping. Normally I am disapproving of Bella's desperate streak, but I myself felt a flash of panic at the thought of Alice disappearing again. After hundreds of pages, I was not ready to endure any more of S.M.'s writing Cullenless.

As much as I enjoyed the casual catch up chit chat, I was dying to find out what Edward had been up to and was sitting at the edge of my chair when Bella finally got around to bringing him up, but Bella is about as tough as a...well..., a very soft thing, and she could barely handle getting a single question out before her internal defenses kicked in and she went into emotional lock down. Pathetic! Not to mention frustrating.

My favorite part of the chapter was Bella eavesdropping on Charlie and Alice as they talked about how Bella dealt with Edward leaving her. Alice didn't seem all that surprised over Bella's poor coping skills. In fact throughout the chapter she repeated 'I told him so' frequently, I assume in reference to telling Edward that Bella would not be able to deal with Edward leaving her. Getting to see Bella cope (or not cope as it were) with the 'break up' (that doesn't seem like the right term, 'situation' or 'tragedy' seems more appropriate) through Charlie's eyes made it more...sad. Bella is a much more attractive person when you aren't in her head, any time I see her through other characters eyes she seems so much more sympathetic.


Other things I loved this chapter: Every word of it...oh, you were expecting something more specific?

• Alice's mere presence. The Cullen's get all the good lines, the 'Favorite Quotes and Conversation' section of my posts have suffered ever since the Cullens went MIA.
  
  
• Jacob's curt call to make sure Bella was alive after he left her alone to see which of her ex-'vampire family' had stopped in for a visit.
  
  
• Bella being all touchy feely with Alice, not giving a second thought to Alice's hunger, after being away from the company of people who wanted to eat her for so long.
  
  
• Charlie's protective fatherly anger toward Edward over the pain he had caused Bella and;
  
  
• Charlie giving Alice a Jacob sales pitch to pass on to Edward as a warning that Bella had moved on, or was headed in the direction of moving on (however untrue that might be).

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

I'd forgotten how hard she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.

She rolled her eyes. "He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I've never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy."

"Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."

Charlie on Bella coping with Edward leaving "I don't know… even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in It's not normal, Alice, and it… it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone… left her, but like someone died." His voice cracked.

I stared at her, putting it together. "You can't see werewolves?" She grimaced. "So it would seem." She was obviously annoyed by this fact—very annoyed.

Chapter 17 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Alice saw Bella jump off the cliff in a vision and thought she was dead
• Bella is, despite her best efforts, still not dead
• Alice came to Forks to help Charlie (still thinking Bella was dead)
• Vampires think werewolves smell bad and vice versa
• Alice's visions don't work on the wolves (or those around them)

Swan Song

My computer is threatening suicide. I'm seconds away from hysterics here people. It's not like I didn't see it coming. There are certain parts of my keyboard that are held together with scotch tape. For the last few days I've had to hit the 'e' key at least three times before it registers on the screen (yes, that's 72 superfluous keystrokes just for the last 5 sentences) but If it goes, I can't be far behind. I won't make it. I can't survive restrained by the shackles of cables scheduling! I can't live so cut off from the world, with virtually no means of communication! The thought of it is too much.

New Moon Chapter 16: Paris

So last chapter Bella jumped off a cliff and almost drowned, this chapter opens with Jacob pulling her out of the water. Bella finds out that while she was cliff diving alone, Harry Clearwater (good friend of the Black's and Bella's dad, Charlie) had suffered a heart attack. A short while later, Bella learns that Harry died at the hospital.

Harry's death doesn't seem to bother Bella all that much but it does put the whole 'endangering her life just to hallucinate about Edward' thing into perspective. Finally, she realizes that trying to generate hallucinations of the person who left you an emotional black hole is not a healthy way of dealing with loss. Bella has decided she needs to get over Edward, her health and sanity depend on it, what she can't decide is if the best way to do this is to give being with Jacob Black a try. Bella spends the rest of the chapter trying to convince herself it would be a good thing to use Jacob as a rebound, Jacob would get what he wants and by making Jacob happy Bella might be less unhappy. The 'to Jacob or not to Jacob' internal debate goes on for awhile. 'Should I? Shouldn't I? Edward would want me to be happy but Juliet would never settle for second best.' Oh yes, I didn't mention that, Bella sees herself as Juliet, priceless. Instead of using your basic pro con list as a tool to decide if gettin' it on with Jacob is a good decision, Bella places Jacob in Paris's role (which in and of itself is saying Jacob is second best and she is not in love with him) and Edward in the role of Romeo and she mentally fanfics a variety of scenarios out in her head. Bella tries to guess how Juliet would act were she in Bella's place (not that Juliet is a great model for healthy relationships either). For example, in one of Bella's mental wanderings, she asks herself what would have happened if Paris had been given a personality and were Juliet's best friend and Romeo had lost interest in Juliet, what would the tragic heroine have done? Surely her story wouldn't have been as tragic.

I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if instead of marrying Juliet, he's just disappeared? ...I wondered if she would have married Paris in the end...

Of course tragedy could have also been avoided in Romeo and Juliet if any one of the the characters in the play weren't so prone to overreaction or had any degree of coping skills.

But back to Bella. Bella still doesn't have romantic feelings toward Jacob, she's just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. If you ask me, if you have to put that much thought into whether or not you should be dating someone, they are not the right someone for you. Bella's decisions are rarely the ones I would make, so as expected she had pretty much talked herself into giving the whole 'Jacob the boyfriend' thing a whirl when her over analysis of the situation is interrupted. Jacob was in the process of driving Bella home when he caught wiff of a vampire's scent (Brace yourselves now) As Jacob starts to speed Bella away to safety, Bella notices a car on the street in front of her house, it's Carlisle Cullen's car (you may take a celebratory moment if you wish before I go on), Bella pitches a fit so Jacob will turn around and let her out. As soon as she's outside, Jacob leaves with his panties all in a bunch that Bella is excited to see evidence of the Cullens back in Forks (Sorry Jacob, I think we're all excited about that). The chapter ends with Bella entering her house trying desperately not to think about who the car might have brought with it.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

'Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris' would haev never been a hit.

Jacob to Bella "Bye, Bella," He called back over his shoulder. "I really hope you don't die."

It was just Carlisle I told myself. Don't expect anything more. Maybe Esme...Stop right there, I told myself. Just Carlisle. That was plenty. More than I'd ever hoped to have again.

Chapter 16 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Jacob saved Bella from drowning
• Harry Clearwater dies of a heart attack
• Bella almost has herself convinced she should give Jacob a shot
• Bella sees Carlisle Cullens car parked on the street outside her house
• Jacob runs off leaving Bella alone to meet a vampire that may be friend or foe (dum dum dum....)
  

New Moon Chapter 15: Pressure

It's Spring break again in Forks! Which is funny because, just like last spring break, Bella is again being hunted by a vampire. A fact she points out herself, although I don't think she found it as amusing as I did, especially since her vampire boyfriend isn't around to protect her this year. Bella isn't totally protectionless though, she has a bunch of werewolves watching her back this time around, (new year, new monster) so really there isn't all that much to complain about. Still, I'd take Edward's 24 hour personal body guard service to hanging out at Billy's any day. It's not that I don't like the pack, I do. The wolves seem tighter, more expressive and more loving than the cold, composed and vampiric Cullens, still werewolves just aren't as fun to read about. Does anyone else miss extravagantly romantic declarations of love and devotion? Or is it just me?

Lack of romanticism aside, chapter 15 left me in such a blissful mood I almost got through the entire thing without thinking about Bella's mistreatment of Jacob at all, but I am what I am. In an effort to maintain my very good mood, I won't rant about my brief flashes of anger. I'll just insert this tiny quote and you can judge for yourself what shade of black Bella's heart is.

When we walked along the beach now, he always held my hand (because he loves you). This made me brood over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his "girlfriend (which means little since you won't do anything about it) I supposed that was exactly what it looked like from the outside (and very likely one half of the inside). As long as Jake and I knew how it really was (he doesn't, he's in denial), I shouldn't let those kinds of assumptions bother me. And maybe they wouldn't, if I hadn't known that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. But his hand felt nice as it warmed mine, and I didn't protest (because I only care about myself and my own happiness and I'm a terrible, terrible person).

I can't tell you why the Bella Jacob dynamic (mostly the Bella leading Jacob on part of it) hits such a chord with me, but Bella's short exchange with Mike does an adequate job of summing up my issue with the whole thing.

Mike's eyes narrowed shrewdly, "Don't kid yourself, Bella. The guy's head over heels for you." "I know, " I sighed. "Life is complicated." "And girls are cruel," Mike said under his breath.

Ok, that's good for today, on to happier themes, like psychosis. Bella hasn't chased her Edward hallucination in a while but she's back at it again this chapter, just in case anyone was getting too comfortable with the idea of her and Jacob together. Yes, she still misses Edward, no she doesn't love Jacob he's just a band-aid to use and disregard...oops! I'm doing it again, sorry. Anyway, to get a little imaginary Edward time, Bella decides to jump off a cliff (into the ocean). Her initial intention was to survive the jump. Once she broke the surface of the water with Edwards voice swimming around in her head and the current dragging her under, she sort of gave up. That was the one other thing that irked me about Bella this chapter (totally un-Jacob related you'll notice). She was so willing to die when the water at the bottom of the cliff started pulling her down. What was that all about? So, hanging out in LaPush all day while your werewolf friends risk their lives trying to kill a vampire that's hunting you is not the funnest thing ever. So, the love of your life left you. So, you have a naturally negative and pessimistic disposition, get over it.


You may be wondering how exactly this chapter left me blissful when I found so much to complain about. Let me take this opportunity to explain it to you. This is an excellent chapter for many reasons. For one, it's chapter 15, which means, there are less than 10 chapters left before the end of New Moon, we're so close to Eclipse I can almost taste it, I'm giddy with excitement over it. Chapter 15 also contains pivotal events that start a spiral of almost tragedy without which, Eclipse might not exist. Plus, Bella almost dies...true, near death isn't a novel experience for her but I enjoy it thoroughly each and every time it happens.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation :

I couldn't imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the Rabbit...

Bella thinking about cliff diving "a date with Jacob, a date with Edward...I laughed darkly to myself. (evil)

The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacob's presence had tamed it. The edges burned.

Chapter 15 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Bella leads Jacob on some more
• Bella remembers that she misses Edward
• Bella jumps off a cliff
• She doesn't die

Twilight Intervention Part 1: The conception

I got an interesting e-mail the other day from a friend of mine, we'll call her 'H'. Now, H showed her husband a Twilight themed video birthday card I had made for her, and posted on YouTube, for her birthday (see below). According to H, her husbands reaction to this video was, and I quote,

"His eyes were huge, jaw was dropped, and he was like, Does James (my husband) know about this?" H followed this description by saying "if/when we have a Twilight intervention for you, he (her husband) is a confirmed attendee."

I didn't take offense to this at all, however it did get me thinking....what would a Twilight intervention look like? And can I plan my own?!?! (I like to plan things). My normal strategy for getting over debilitating obsessions is to immerse myself in the object of my fixation as much as possible until I've reached saturation...it's worked for the Twilight movie (4 theater trips put me over the edge), it could work for the books? Obviously I've already put this plan into action to some degree, with the multiple re-reads and the blog and whatnot, but could I take it further? Would an effective intervention be an attempt to overdose on all things Twilight? Could I celebrate the completion of the Breaking Dawn posts (when I get there) with an all night Twilight themed binge, possibly scheduled to coincide with the DVD release? The Twilight movie, trivia, favorite articles, fan posts...Or maybe a cold turkey approach would be best? I could burn the book in a dramatic gesture signifying that I'm done with it! I could delete my YouTube videos, shut down this blog. I don't know what would work best to cure one who is addicted to Twilight. What I do know is that the topic certainly deserves further attention, some more research, consultation with friends and an additional post once I've had a chance to put some more thought into it. For now, here is the video that spurred this stroke of genius on the part of H's husband.

Yep, a Twilight intervention... it certainly has potential.

New Moon Chapter 14: Family

So Jacob takes Bella to meet the family...his wolf family anyway. For some reason I find the fact that the boys all run around half naked to save their shirts from being torn to shreds when they change into wolves, amusing. It's really not so bad since apparently being a werewolf means you are naturally huge and instantly buff. Beats a gym membership.


Not all the boys are happy that Jacob let Bella in the 'werewolves exist' club. Really though, who can blame them? Totally aside from the fact that Jacob was explicitly told not to tell Bella about the pack, why should she be privy to all the secrets in Forks and on the reserve? It hardly seems fair. One of the boys gets so bent out of shape about Bella's inclusion that he losses his cool and morphs into a wolf, charging Bella. Jacob of course moves to protect her without evening thinking about it and before you could say 'let her die already' a full on werewolf throw down is happening right in front of her. I actually really enjoyed this chapter so why don't I get my daily Bella bitch out of my system now. She leads people on leaving nothing but pain and heartache in her wake, she drives beautiful people out of town (not to mention a surgeon) and she makes brothers fight amongst themselves, she's like a poison that girl.


Things I enjoyed this chapter (and surprisingly there were a lot): The quote from Embry "I bet she's tougher than that. She runs with vampires." was completely entertaining to me. It sounded so much like a line from Grease (except for the vampire bit) I immediately envisioned Bella hanging out with the Cullens, racing for pink slips. I don't think that was the intention. Another thing I found entertaining was Bella's reaction to the fact that the wolves heal super fast. Impermeable vampire skin doesn't phase her, accelerated healing gives her the gitters. Go figure. I also loved a lot of the pack 'family' moments like Jaocb throwing the can opener at Jared's head for suggesting they use Bella as bait to catch Victoria. Bella telling Jacob to be careful and the boys bursting out into 'loud hoots of amusement'. And, the lot of them standing around the kitchen with their mouths hanging open that Victoria would be hunting for Bella in the first place. "She's just a girl" Embry protested. That's what I keep saying!

There are a lot more similarities between New Moon and Twilight than I originally picked up on. In addition to equally transparent plots and mediocre writing quality, both books dedicate at least a hundred pages or so to a storyline that if you boiled it down would look a lot like this:

There is a boy and there is Bella. Boy likes Bella then starts acting strange (although in the case of Twilight it was more like, boy acts strange, likes Bella then acts strange again). Boy competes with Mike Newton for Bella's affection. Bella experiences frustration over not knowing what the hell is going on and surmises boy is keeping secrets. Bella eventually figures the secret out because boy can't stay away from her then Bella gets introduced to boys strange secret world and discovers all sorts of fun facts to know like vampires sparkle.

New Moon took Twilight, substituted werewolves for vampires, made Bella really sad instead of just kinda indifferent and poof, another bestseller! O.k. admittedly, that was a drastic over simplification but I think S.M. is onto something, it's a winning formula. I'm sure all mythical monsters have quirks that would be novel and fun to learn about (especially after S.M. gets done with them, vampires sparkle, werewolves have super imprinty relationship skills, I wonder if mummy's glow in the dark?). And, based on Bella's track record if it's a classic movie monster it's bound to fall head over heels for her and there are a lot of classic movie monsters left just waiting for their chance in the spotlight. I smell spin offs.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"These were just four really big half-naked boys"

"Laurent," he repeated, snorting, like he was amused the vampire had had a name.

"Bella Swan," Jared told her, shrugging. Apparently, I'd been a topic of conversation before. "Who else?"

"So you're the vampire girl." I stiffened. "Yes. Are you the wolf girl?"

"Emily," he said, and so much love saturated his voice that I felt embarrassed, intrusive, as I watched him cross the room in one stride and take her face in his wide hands

All in all it wasn't exactly what I'd been expecting from a pack of werewolves.

Chapter 14 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Bella meets the vampire pack
• Not all of the pack is happy to meet her
• Bella meets Emily and finds out werewolves can be dangerous company
• The pack learns Victoria is after Bella
• The pack makes a plan to kill Victoria
  
• The chapter ends with Bella willingly thinking of Edward without doubling over in pain for the first time since Chapter 3...uh-oh
  

New Moon Chapter 13: Killer

People are jumping to conclusions all over the place this chapter. Bella has wrongly assumed that Jacob is a killer and Jacob has wrongly assumed Bella doesn't want to be around him any more because he is a werewolf.

Since becoming a werewolf it seems like every time Bella and Jacob speak they fight. Oddly, their squabbles make me like Jacob more, rather than less. I think it's a sign that Bella and Jacob's relationship is much healthier than the relationship that she had with Edward. Don't get me wrong, I'm still cheering team Edward on, but that doesn't necessarily mean I think he's the healthiest choice, just the most enjoyable. If we always did what was best for us, we'd never have peppermint lattes, but what would a world without peppermint lattes be? A cold, cruel and miserable world that's what, kind of like the middle section of New Moon. Let me explain without the caffeinated beverage analogy. Bella was always going around sulking about how her and Edward's relationship was so unequal. She was right of course, but she was usually referring to the contrast between her plainness and Edward's inconceivable beauty, when in my opinion the disparity was most noticeable when the two fought....or didn't fight as it were. If Edward and Bella had a disagreement, Bella never really got a say, she would try and put her two cents in but in the end Edward always won because he could pretty much make her do whatever he wanted. In fact, half the time Bella didn't even get the chance to disagree with Edward because he's quite a skilled manipulator and he would get his way without Bella ever knowing an alternative option existed. (I'm realizing now that the behavioral examples on which I'm basing my conclusions -e.g. Florida - are mostly coming from Eclipse so you'll just have to take my word for it that Edward does a lot on the D.L.). Jacob on the other hand always gives Bella the truth, he gives her the opportunity to disagree with him and the two fight it out like equals.


I liked Jacob a lot in this chapter actually, I loved the bit where Jacob got angry when Bella told him that Edward left because he 'just wasn't that into her' The kid does start to grow on you. Making it through the next 11 chapters might not be that painful.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"Could you… well, try to not be a… werewolf?" I suggested in a whisper.

He took two steps toward me, leaning over me and glaring with fury. "Well, I'm so sorry that I can't be the right kind of monster for you, Bella. I guess I'm just not as great as a bloodsucker, am I?"

"You really, honestly don't mind that I morph into a giant dog?" he asked, his voice
joyful in my ear.

Chapter 13 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Bella confronts Jacob about being a murderous wolf
• Jacob isn't a murderous wolf, just a wolf, so Bella and Jacob make up
• Bella discovers Laurent is dead
  
• Bella discovers V. is still hunting her
• Bella learns all sorts of neat werewolf stuff such as;
  - A werewolf can kill a vampire
  - Anger triggers werewolves to turn into a wolf
  - When werewolves are all wolfy they can hear each others thoughts
  - If the werewolf pack leader gives an order, the rest have to obey
• Bella goes double agent and lets Jacob in on some Cullen family secrets

New Moon Chapter 12: Intruder

I know this post is a day late but I'm claiming a sick day. I have less than no energy and I'm fighting a fever which is diminishing my motivation to sit in an upright position and type, but better late than never.

I feel like I have to apologize again for my constant bitterness toward Bella. Post after post, I do nothing but whine about her, but I can't help it! It's an involuntary reflex to her every thought throughout the entire middle section of New Moon. It's not Bella's fault. I must subconsciously be channeling my anger toward Stephanie Meyer, for penning so many Edwardless pages, at Bella's character. But it won't be long now, we're half way to Eclipse, and with the end of New Moon so near, I anticipate a return of my full range of emotion very soon.

Chapter 12 starts with Jacob Black visiting Bella's room Edward style, only with less grace. Bella is not welcoming, if you remember, the last time Bella and Jacob spoke, Jacob was hella mean. Jacob intended his middle of the night visit to be an apology. It ended up being less apology, more Jeopardy, as Jacob tried to help clueless Bella guess his secret by pacing and starting at her intensely. Not that helpful, especially for someone with powers of deduction as poor as Bella's. Jacob's secret isn't that difficult to guess. I'll take mythical creatures for $1,000 Alex. 'This mythical creature has been roaming the forest of Forks, chasing down vampires in meadows, starring in Bella Swan's dreams since Book 1 and during the day goes by the name Jacob Black. "What is, a Werewolf!"


Yes, Jacob is a Werewolf. This revelation is almost as shocking as the moment it was revealed that Edward is a vampire (In case you missed it, that was sarcasm). The Quileute legends, the 'bear' sightings that turned out to be horse sized wolves that chase vampires, the 'cult' of boys on the reserve that call themselves 'protectors', the fact that Jacob is always running a fever and going about half naked. Not to fret Stephanie, as I've said before, no one reads these books for the plot twists. Even though Jacob's condition is unlikely to shock most readers, it's still incredibly enjoyable to watch Bella clue in to what's going on...slow as she is. Although major plot points are blindingly obviously, personally, I am constantly surprised by Bella's reactions, for example, she gives vampires the benefit of the doubt while wolves she is ready to burn at the stake? It reminds me of a scene in Twilight where Bella criticized Jessica for forgiving Edward any faults because he's so darn pretty. Looks to me like Bella isn't much better. I suppose her initial distaste could be fueled entirely by the fact that she believed Jacob was partially responsible for the killings that have been going on around Forks. I still thinks it's specism.

I also loved that through her remarkable self involvement, Bella was able to make the 'Jacob is a werewolf' thing about her. Instead of concern over the obvious distress Jacob was feeling about his condition, or worrying about what this might mean for Jacob's future, Bella's first thoughts are "What does this say about me?" would it kill Stephanie to tone down her narcissism a notch or two? The world does not revolve around Bella Swan. I can see how she might be confused on this point, as the books are written from her perspective, but that's hardly an excuse. I hate to break it to you Bella, but this is why no one makes Team Bella t-shirts, no one likes you.


Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

Jacob - "I'm trying to keep"—he huffed, shifting his weight as the treetop bounced him-"my promise!"

Bella - "When did you ever promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?"

It was a pack. A pack of five mind-blowingly gigantic, multihued werewolves that had stalked right past me in Edward's meadow…

(hehe 'multihued werewolves', for some reason this line reminds me of Martha Stewart. I'm pretty sure it's the use of the term multihued)

Chapter 12 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Jacob sneaks into Bella's room to apologize for being an ass
  
• Bella learns Jacob is a werewolf
  
• Bella draws comparisons and clearly seems to prefer cold and dead to warm and hairy
  

New Moon Chapter 11: Cult

As chapter 11 opens, Bella is in a sort of frying pan/fire situation. Escaping the encounter with Laurent without being killed only means she is alive for Victoria to find and kill, in a more brutal and painful way. Jacob also continues to be MIA, from Bella's life at least. I don't want to get into a tirade about Bella and my feelings on how she treats Jacob because I think I've made myself pretty clear on that point already, but I can't help pointing out Bella's desperate behavior when Jacob continues to ignore her, especially since she believes he is ignoring her because he finally realized she isn't ever going to like him in the way he wants her to. Bella calls Jacob's house every half hour until after 11 o'clock. And that isn't me exaggerating the story to illustrate my point in a more humorous fashion, it actually says: 'On Wednesday I called every half hour until after eleven at night, desperate to hear the warmth of Jacob's voice.' Stalkerish much? No wonder Bella wasn't phased in Book 1 when Edward told her he had been watching her sleep at night for like a month! Please woman, get a grip!

Bella finally decides that since her desirability is impossible to resist, Jacob must not be avoiding her, he must be in a cult. Perfectly sound logic. O.k., her theory isn't totally out of left field. Remember Sam Uley and how the boys on the reserve had started acting strange when they became friends with him? Anyhow, phase 1 of Bella's 'rescue Jacob from the cult' plan is a stakeout in front of the Black's house.

Bella manages to smoke Jacob out rather easily. We finally get to see Bella confront Jacob for avoiding her (even though she should be leaving well enough alone, since she has no intention of giving him what he wants in terms of a relationship). Jacob pretty much acts like an ass. Bella cries and again, even though I really dislike her, I feel bad for her. The love of her life leaves her, her all-in-one best friend and rebound ditches her and is so nasty to her, he makes her cry...which granted isn't that difficult to do. It appears Jacob has started believing the stories that the Cullens are vampires. He throws it in Bella's face, angry about something but he won't tell her what, not that she doesn't give it a few good guesses. My favorite of which is that Jacob joined a society of vampire-haters.

"How did he know this? And how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire haters? What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in Forks anymore?"

Oh Bella, Bella, Bella, always a little slow on the up take. A vampire hating society? Really? That's the best conclusion you can come to? Whatever the reason, Jacob is leaving Bella and Bella, who has no personality of her own outside of the ones she carves around others, panics and plays the worst card imaginable to try and make Jacob stay. Bella actually uses Jacobs feelings for her to try and coax him back, luring him with the promise that she might change her mind and they could be more than friends. She justifies it to herself by arguing that her plea was just a stretched truth "I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of a lie." But it wasn't, it was pretty much as straight up lie, and a cruel one at that. Not like telling your boyfriend the crispy black lasagna he made you for dinner tastes delicious.

A lie like that is just evil, the blackest, most hanus and hideous form of evil and it worked! Sort of. Jacob still walked away from her, but he felt bad about it. The chapter ends with Bella being woken up by what sounded like fingernails scratching along the glass of her window....forgot about Victoria didn't you?

Favorite quotes and conversation:

Sure, I'd had a lot on my mind - revenge obsessed vampires, giant mutant wolves, a ragged hole in the center of my chest...

Chapter 11 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Jacob cuts his hair
• Jacob suddenly has serious anger issues
• Bella confronts Jacob about avoiding her and he acts like an ass
• Jacob 'breaks up' with Bella for all intents and purposes
• Bella gets dangerously close to losing it again