Chapter 22: Flight

Edward, Bella and Alice seem to have escaped the Volturi's office/batcave/castle without incident...well almost. As Bella and the Cullen siblings walk away from the Volturi free and clear, they pass a group of tourists who are about to inherit the bad luck our heroes managed to avoid. No, sadly we don't witness the carnage, we just get a vague reference to screaming as the unsuspecting tourists are eaten. Once again I'm disappointed that Meyers can't favour us with at least a little vampire action (not the sexual kind, the bloody, violent, remind us why it's a better idea to fear them than date them, kind). I was recently introduced to a reimagining of Pride and Prejudice (thank you Lisa) called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies in which Seth Grahame-Smith expands Jane Austen's classic romance to include 'bone-crunching zombie mayhem'. I know, you're thinking 'what could be more awesome?' or 'what an incredible genius this Seth Grahame-Smith is!' or possibly 'what does Pride and Prejudice and Zombies have to do with this unbearably dull chapter of New Moon? This post is getting off topic'.
Quite right, but the reason I mention it is, I was thinking, wouldn't it be great if someone took Meyers brilliant saga and amped up the action? Something to give the Twilight books at least a PG 13 rating. Nothing as drastic as adding zombies but just a little more scare here and there to make us buy the threat. Does anyone ever really believe Edward is going to suddenly turn on Bella and eat her? Or that Aro and company prove a real danger? Do we even know what a vampire attack looks like? Meyers has never really shown us how scary vampires can be? Ok so Jasper got a little out of control, but mostly we've only really met vampires who are sweet as fluffy white kittens. Maybe they bite gentle? I know it's dangerous to mess with a story so near perfection but just think, instead of 'hearing screaming' we could have 'blood drenching or decapitation' now that's scary, but it's a pipe dream and maybe something better saved for True Blood, back to what is...

The Volturi have asked that Bella and the Cullens wait in the reception area until dark before taking their leave. It still kills me that the secret Italian vampire society, centuries old, has a reception area. Oh and not just a reception area but a receptionist as well. The non-vampire Gianna, who no one seems to be very fond of, though I can't say why. Bella's distaste is the most shocking, all up on her high horse, judging Gianna just because she hangs with vampires, look to your right sunshine.Personally, I think Gianna is a gem, she's very good at her job, pleasant, attentive, you'd think an interspecies couple like E and B would be a little more open minded. Then again, Bella's mind is a little shaky after the whole screaming tourists getting eaten in a nearby room thing. In fact Bella is in total hysterics over the stress of the whole ordeal. She's all tear stained and making funny noises. Honestly, not the best strategy to make Edward want to stick around. Fortunately for Bella this chapter puts Edward right where Bella wants him. Trapped in a plane where he can't run away, which Bella figures he's likely to do as soon as he gets chance. If I were in Bella's position I would have capitalized on the set number of hours in a confined space with no chance of escape as a perfect opportunity to grill Edward on, oh I don't know, trivial stuff like his leaving me and his suicide attempt but Bella pretty much just sits and thinks, typical.

This is one of those chapters I hate to write about because virtually nothing happens. It's pretty much equivalent to the hotel room chapter in the first book. The action consists of copious amounts of sitting around on a plane without so much as a snake to add to the excitement.

A couple of quick things I did want to note this chapter despite the serious lack of goings on.

• The perfect illustration of Bella's oddness: Alice goes to fetch Bella's bags before they all leave Europe for home and Bella thinks to herself..."I'd forgotten that I had access to a toothbrush. It brightened my outlook considerably." Seriously. Italy, surviving a near death by vampire, being reunited with the love of your life, these are things that should brighten an outlook in Bella's situation, not a toothbrush.
• The term blood singer. Ew.
• And finally, my favorite moment of the chapter was a Charlie moment."I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here." Charlie bellowed at Edward. I love Charlie.

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her."

"To have my eyes so filled with tears that I could not see his features clearly was wasteful - insanity."

Edward to Charlie "Be mad at me" Charlie to Edwrad "You bet I will!"

Chapter 22 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Edward, Bella and Alice chill in the Volturi reception area
• Bella has hysterics
• Everyone is rude to helpful human Volturi receptionist
• Edward, Bella and Alice fly home
• There is a Cullen family welcome home party at airport
• Rosalie apologizes for causing Edward to try and kill himself
• Bella says its cool
• Charlie does the overprotective dad thing
• Bella deprives herself of sleep for the entire chapter
  

Chapter 21: Verdict

The title of this chapter is so ominous! You're practically forced to hum a low, dum dum dahhh in your head when you read it.

So Edward, Alice and Bella, with their cloaked escorts, continue through the sewers to Volturi headquarters which is an odd mix of office chic, super extravagance and old moldy stone. It’s almost as if Meyer couldn’t decide if it would be more entertaining to surround the vampire royalty in a Wolfram and Hart law office setting, a traditional crypt or Draculaesq extravagance so she went with all three. Way to commit.

We meet a whole host of vampires in this short chapter but the most entertaining by far is Aro. Aro is one third of the Volturi leadership trio, the others being Caius (which I can't pronounce for the life of me so I refer to as Cassius in my head) and Marcus. Aro is my personal fav of the three. While Caius and Marcus appear somewhat detached (or cranky at the very least), Aro is exuberant, he also seems a tad effeminate, what with the frequent exclamation s of ‘wonderful!’ (seriously count how many times he says wonderful) ‘dear ones’ and ‘be a dears’ not to mention the spontaneous hand clapping. I picture him as a cross between a thirteen year old at a sleep over and Standford Blatch.

Effeminate exuberance is not a description one typically associates with danger and evil. Not to worry, Meyers has outfitted her super bad Italian vamps with ‘special abilities’ that will have your knees knocking! Wait, no, those aren’t very scary either, in fact Aro and Marcus’ super powers seem pretty useless compared to the Cullens skill set. Marcus for example sees relationships, although what possible utility that would be I can’t imagine, and Aro can read every thought you’ve ever had by touching you, neat but again not overly useful, it's pretty much on par with a little brother who sneaks into your room and reads your diary, …all in all, they don’t make very convincing bad guys. Meyers did give the trio oniony looking skin, that’s kind of creepy right? I’m sure Meyers thought so. Considering her regular vampires sparkle like they’ve been bathing in fairy dust, in her mind translucent skin is probably equivalent to rotting maggoty flesh.

Ok, so the not scary points been made, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t a good time, and their lackey’s (Jane in particular, who can cause someone incredible pain just by thinking in their direction) are powerful enough to keep our heroes in their company. One of the more entertaining parts of the chapter is when Aro, intrigued by the fact that Edward can’t hear Bella’s thoughts, tries to read her himself. When he finds her immune to his mind reading tricks he asks Jane to try wammying Bella, which of course makes Edward furious although not that furious because he just stands there growling for a good while before lunging at little Jane. Usually rage causes more immediate lunging but I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered either way, he ends up on the floor in agony so the growling and the lunging were equally ineffective. Turns out for once Bella didn’t actually need rescuing (a first I think). The little Volturi’s pain inducing stare doesn’t work on Bella.

There is a lot of talking in this chapter, really a lot, which is not what you might expect from what should be the books climax, but that’s Meyers for you. For a writer of vampire fiction, she’s not a big fan of bloodshed and horror (e.g. terrifying = onion skinned vampire who can tell if you 'like' someone or if you 'like like' someone). Then again, I myself have often argued passionately that Twilight (referencing the saga as a whole) is first and foremost a romance, albeit a tame, PG13 romance. On the upside, all the dialogue in Chapter 21 leaves Bella precious little time for her usual lengthy inner monologues and contemplations of Edward’s beauty. I know I said I missed all the flowery expletive, but for some reason the last chapter left me with a little blood lust (picked up on that huh?). After all, Meyers put a decent amount of effort into dramatic build up for the Volturi confrontation, I mean if you think back, New Moon starts with Bella running across the Volterra square surrounded by enemies ready to face certain death, fast forward a little and you get the ominous warnings about not messing with the Volturi, then last chapter you finally meet some and they are clad in scary black cloaks, an obvious wardrobe choice for evil. So in the end, the lack of bad assness displayed by these allegedly bad ass vampires is a little disappointing. I can't help it, I expected more Meyers, I expected more. Oh, in case the suspense is killing you, the verdict was essentially 'we're satisfied you'll eventually turn the human into a vampire but we'll check in just in case but for now run along

Favorite Quotes and Conversation:

“And Alice and Bella, too!” he rejoiced, clapping his thin hands together.” This is a happy surprise! Wonderful! - Aro

“Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him-only he was not so angry.” - Aro That line always makes me laugh for some reason and I have high hopes it won’t be left out of the film adaptation.

Chapter 21 sum up in 10 points or less:

• Turns out Alice, Edward and Bella weren't being led to thier doom, just a reception area
• The Volturi henchmen bring Alice, Edward and Bella to the Volturi leaders, Aro, Marcus and Cauis
• Aro talks alot
• Aro talks some more
• Most of this chapter is Aro talking
• Aro tries to read Bella's mind but it doesn't work
• Aro tells Jane to use her super pain inducing powers on Bella, that doesn't work either
• The Volturi decide Bella knows too much and must die or be turned
• Alice lets Aro read her and he sees one of Alices visions where Bella is a vampire
• Aparently everyone is cool with that but the Volturi promise to check in soon to make sure Bella is vamped